Back in 2015 I was riding the wave of the modern world, competing in the electrical industry, trying to make a name for myself in the hope of creating a brighter future. This image was displayed to me at every corner I travelled around. I committed, unknowingly, all my energy to this system. It slowly drained away of all my energy and forced the lines of communication to disconnect and reduced my organic placement from my soul to its embodiment. On auto-pilot, that didn't require me to have an identity, nor an individual purpose, but a number that was relevant to how the system operated.
I have spent large parts of my life experiencing anxiety, fear, stress, anger and jealousy. The reality of my childhood shaped a belief in myself that I was not worthy of great things, nor could I achieve more than what the system required. I have always been sensitive to energy. In most situations and spaces I would find myself absorbing large amounts of unnatural, conditioned energies and experiences which would just accumulate and add to the list of pressures in which I placed upon myself. A mindset that had no identity, nor purpose. I didn't even realise my name was Daniel until a few years ago. I was fighting against myself everyday in the hope I could just feel at peace. Without guidance, nor a space of self-care, I was in fact just moving further and further away from who I was.
A few key areas of my life clashed simultaneously, all directly impacting my life, creating a spiral of forces that triggered large amounts of the energies that have been attached to my embodiment and by design to control my behavioural habits and patterns for the past 20 years. This created a pivotal point in my life that forced me to hit rock bottom, a moment where I was not searching for control, nor did I care about what peoples' energies were displacing, I just knew that I had been self sabotaging my mental health and my vision of how the world exists, a total rejection from all understandings of who I truly am. This sent me on a trajectory where I was searching for answers, knowing there was more to life than how the world made me feel at the time. Avenues that took me down reading spiritual and awakening books, listening to astrologers, researching tribes and ancient traditions. A journey that was a part of me when I was growing up, being able to spend time with animals, enjoying the purity of nature and divine connection, that was available for a small window of my childhood.
It is commonly mistaken and confused that when someone is healing and looking to find themselves while trying to work out their individual place within the world, we will automatically place them within the victim category, or feel sorry for them, or even give them special treatment. A conditioning that can hinder their spiritual growth and their healing as people will fail to see them as an individuals. Knowing that we will never know their story nor their experience, but within that moment, that exchange of energy, you can respect them for a soul attached to its embodiment. When I tell my stories, I do not wish for pity nor sympathy, but for you to allow yourself a moment, and a space to honour life itself.
As we enter life in the physical form, we are aware of the challenges we will be subject to, the lessons we have agreed to try and learn and the difficulties that will be placed in front of us. The first goal as always, is to understand our embodiment, a relationship that connects our soul to life on this planet. As my journey triggered an awakening inside of me, I was suddenly inundated with visions and dreams. A period of about a month where the constant download of information that was on display and what I was willing to receive, flooded my mind with change. One of those downloads was during a dream, a point that connected me to Asia, and I knew that at some stage my travels would take me there.
I was standing in a circle of stones, similar to Stonehenge in England. Within this circle there was an inner layer of bodies, all wearing cloaks with hoods. I was one of those hooded cloaks, unable to see any of their faces but in the middle there was one holding a cushion, a purple cushion, with a wavy dagger, the blade was straight but the sides were curved with a golden handle. A feeling that displayed an energetic attachment of Indonesia. I had never seen this kind of blade before, nor had I been to Indonesia, but I could feel its history. The phrase 'live the truth' was vibrating throughout its presence. An echo that I can still hear today. Within that moment, all eyes were on me, I could feel their gazes. A test, one called out, a purity within your life. The task on hand was to step into the centre, take the dagger and stab it in my heart. I then had to count to 30, if I got to 30 I was worthy....but still today, I can only speculate what this means. An answer I will probably never know in the physical form. I found myself holding it, dagger pressed up against my heart, and what felt like a second later, I was sitting up in my bed shouting out 30. One of many dreams and visions I had that month, and my connection to Asia started then.
I now find myself travelling to Nepal, volunteering at a monastery helping children with their English. I can't help but feel my journey as a pivotal point that is attached to the next stage of life in the physical form. Being the eternal student.